Monday, June 27, 2016

Exclusive Interview: Evan Rachel Wood, Ellen Page and Max Minghella Talk...

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Ben Kenber talks with Jessika Van about 'Seoul Searching'

Ben Kenber talks with Benson Lee about 'Seoul Searching'

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

7 Things To Know About THE MEDDLER

Here's my latest article for Sassy Mama in LA. "The Meddler" is a wonderful surprise of a movie, and it's coming just in time for Mother's Day.



7 Things To Know About THE MEDDLER

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Jim Kirkwood, an acting mentor to many in the Bay Area




 It was another day at the office for me, staring at a computer and taking calls, when I got a message from my good friend Shane whom I haven’t seen for awhile. He informed me that our acting mentor from Diablo Valley College, Jim Kirkwood, had passed away at 5 AM this morning. For the past year or so, Jim had been fighting cancer and had to endure an operation to remove a tumor that lasted several hours. Hearing this news was a blow to me and everyone else who had the unique privilege of having taken an acting class taught by him.

Right now my heart feels so heavy and I’m wondering why tears are not coming out of my eyes. I want to feel this loss fully for Jim had such a profound effect on my life and so many others in Northern California. For many years he was an acting teacher at Diablo Valley College, and I enrolled in several of his classes during my time there before I transferred to UC Irvine. Much had been said about him and how hard it was to get in his class and that he had studied with some of the great teachers such as Lee Strasberg and Stella Adler among others. For those truly serious about acting, you could not pass up any course he taught (even the one on directing).



When it came to my first class with Jim, I was nervous to say the least. The man was treated like a legend in the area and it felt incredibly intimidating to be in his presence. Giving out grades was never a priority for him, and his one rule that stood out was if you missed three of his classes without informing him as to why, you were out. This was back in the day when those strict guidelines really unnerved me.

Anyway, I came to this new place of learning straight out of high school where I did many plays and considered myself a really good actor. Of course, the whole thing about acting back then is that when you’re onstage and you have nothing to say, get off. That first day with Jim, he immediately gave you a sense of what acting was really about. It was about living in the moment, acting with purpose and with an objective in mind. You could not think too much about the outcome of the scene you’re in because that would just take away from the thing you are fighting for. Every character has something to go for, and that’s what powers the actor through the entire show. Even when you’re onstage and have nothing to say, he made you see that listening is a big part of performing as well.

Among the lessons that I remember the most from his classes was how he explained that you did not need to have preconceived ideas of how to play a scene or say a line. It was never about pushing for some grand emotion that spelled out Oscar to the audience; it was about letting the emotion come to you while you pursue your objective. To just deliver a line in a preconceived way would just kill the moment. You would just come across as lifeless and vacant, and your scene partners would suffer as a result.

Jim demonstrated the danger of preconceiving what you will do beforehand by giving different readings of the line “get the hell out of here!” The first one was angry, the next was dismissive, the one after that had him laughing like he was talking to a friend, I think he made it look like he was crying in another and so on. By the end, everyone in the class including myself were laughing because he made it all look ridiculous, and it was. By getting stuck in that way of acting, you weren’t really connected to the scene or those you are working with onstage.

Sooner or later, we came to see that we get our performance from the other actor in the scene. While this became more abundantly clear to me years later when I was a student at Second City, this lesson really originated in Jim’s classes. There was no “me, me, me, me, me, me” in his class because we were all put on the same level. No one was necessarily better than the other, so no prima donnas were ever present (thank goodness).

For those new to Jim’s classes, his regimen was to break us down and get rid of all those high school emoting habits many of us had been stuck with for far too long. He could be brutally honest with you, but it was never in a Simon Cowell kind of way (I would have dropped out of his class were that the case). He wanted you to see what you did wrong and how you could improve on it for next time. Feelings did get hurt from time to time and our self-confidence took several direct hits at what seemed like point blank range, but it was never done out of spite or cold-heartedness. Simply put, we had a lot to learn and the road we were on was designed to be a long one and for good reason.



Another great lesson he taught us which has never left my mind was when he did the “pick up the pen” bit. With this, he went back to when he was an acting student himself and being taught by Lee Strasberg. Now Strasberg instructed him to pick up a pen that was laying there on the stage. Since he didn’t tell Jim how he should pick it up, Jim just walked up on stage like he was doing a happy skip across the park and just stumbled upon the pen. We were all laughing hysterically as he looked at the pen with a giddy look on his face, playing up the emotion of the scene as he picked it up.

But Starsberg was not impressed, and Jim said he was made to put it back up on the stage and to pick it up again. This time he moved stealthily around and looked like he was about to steal the pen. In that moment, he made it look like he was waiting for the perfect moment and then found it by absconding with the pen just like Indiana Jones took off with that golden idol in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” Strasberg again shook his head and said to Jim that he was still doing it wrong and to do it again. Jim didn’t understand what he was doing wrong, but he did it again anyway.

Now Jim came onto the stage as if his leg was broken and he was limping over to that ordinary looking pen. At this point, Jim tried (and failed) to make it look realistic when he was struggling to reach for that pen despite the injury he was faking miserably. Once again, he got the pen and went offstage. Now Strasberg was losing his patience with him:

“Jim, did you hear anything of what I just said?!”

“Yeah, but what am I doing wrong?”

“I told you to pick up the pen!”

“I DID!”

“Well I didn’t tell you to go all over the place doing this big act around it, did I?”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“JIM, JUST PICK UP THE PEN!!!”

“Fine!”

So Jim just walked straight up to the pen and picked it up, and then he walked off the stage as quickly as he got on it. After that, the audience of his fellow students (one of which was James Dean) applauded him loudly. Jim said he didn’t understand what the big deal was, and Strasberg (who also applauded I should mention) explained it to him:

“You followed through with the objective. You didn’t think about it, you just did it and with the same level of energy. You didn’t need to put on a big show, you just needed to just pick up the pen. In that moment, that was your only objective. This is the difference between a good performer and a great actor.”

That last sentence has stayed with me to this very day. It’s easy to get up and put up a big act just to get laughs from all your friends. It’s another thing to be the character instead of just playing one. You never play the emotion, you play the action, and the emotion will come to you that way.



I went through a rollercoaster of emotions throughout my time in his classes. Back then I was trying to get all my general education courses out of the way so that when I transferred to a four-year university I could concentrate solely on my major. As a result, I didn’t always give his acting classes my full on attention, and it did lead to me having a nervous breakdown one day. It felt like I was failing the class and myself, and while my fellow classmates were there to console me I was a complete wreck. Jim took pity on me though, gave me a hug (and he had everyone in the class give their scene partners a hug before and after a scene) and urged me to not be so hard on myself.

But in the end, through all that emotional agony, we each came into our own and we all seemed to have that one moment where all the training and all the character work we did paid off. We had gotten to where we had studied the scene and memorized our lines so many times that we weren’t thinking about what we were doing. All that mattered was that we went after our objective. Nothing else mattered at that point. Getting a compliment from Jim was not always easy, but when you got it you knew that you damn well earned it. When we each got that moment it wasn’t just a victory for us, but for the class as well. Each of us wanted the other person to succeed in his class.



On the last day of the Advanced Acting class, we all chipped in and got Jim a plaque thanking him for all that he had done for us. He looked at it and immediately burst into tears. It meant so much to him that we did this, and it was a symbol of the kind of people we were becoming thanks in large part to the time we got to spend with him. Everyone in the class came around to give him a hug, not wanting him to cry. Another guy, I can’t remember his name right now, offered him a bottle of scotch but then realized he had already drunk it.

In the end, Jim Kirkwood’s acting classes were never about becoming a star or a celebrity. His classes were about how an actor must live life to the fullest and be serious about their art and their individual craft. It was about getting better and taking on new challenges throughout our lifetimes and to never be complacent with where we were at as artists. The life of an artist, be it an actor or director, was never meant to be an easy one. But then again, how else could you learn and grow? It’s like what my brother keeps telling me:

“If life were easy, no one would bother showing up.”

I loved how I got to make him laugh on occasion. I was in his directing class and did this one scene where I used magazine covers with gorgeous women on them as stand ins for a couple of characters. Jim got a kick out of the fact that one of them was an issue of Playboy Magazine with the centerfold being Pamela Anderson, and he jokingly asked me if he could borrow it. Being the incredibly literal minded person that I was back then, I thought he was being serious and handed it to him earnestly. Along with the class, he was in utter hysterics.

Then there was another time where we were working on scenes and voicing out what was going through our minds in order to keep us in the moment. Be it if you didn’t know your line or were frustrated and had to vent it somehow, we needed to be there fully and not let all these distractions cloud our ultimate goals. For me, my chief distraction involved a comedy album I bought a few days earlier from the nearby record store. It got to where I could no longer resist it:

“DAMN IT!! I GOT STEVE MARTIN’S NATIVE AMERICAN SINGING GOING THROUGH MY HEAD!!!!”

Jim got a kick out of that and would never let me forget it. It’s nice to have such memories of him this way.

Now Jim is gone, and the loss is deeply felt by those who were in his presence. He wasn’t a perfect person and had his faults, but who doesn’t? I tell you, it was hard to work at the office for the rest of the day without thinking of him and the lessons and memories he left behind. The loss is there and the sadness is strong. I write this with a heavy heart and it will still take some time to accept the fact that I won’t get to see or talk with him ever again. That’s still hard to swallow hours after I got the sad news. It didn’t matter how old he was (he probably didn’t look his age anyway), he left us too soon. The last time I saw him was at a Christmas party last year with friends from that class, and he dropped by and was endlessly interested in what we were all up to. His words of kindness meant a lot to me and I will never forget them.

I thank him for all those lessons on character development, understanding a script and the character’s place in it fully, and of the passion he brought out of all of us. We didn’t just come out of his class as better actors, we came out as better people. Much of what he taught still comes back to me every once in a while, so I know I’m growing as an artist and will continue to.

I miss you Jim. Why did you have to leave us now? Leonard Cohen was right; this is no way to say goodbye. But what you taught will live on through all of us for you touched so many lives and all that you taught is being passed to another generation. You were a big part of my life and there is no way I can forget you. I’m not even going to try. You will live on with us always.

Still wish you were here though. It feels very empty here without you.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Must Be The Shoes!

There was an episode of the HBO prison series "Oz" in which a trio of inmates forced another inmate to publicly give up his shoes. That shoeless inmate later complained to a higher up as to what happened, and in retaliation those thugs forced him to play the most brutal version round of one-on-one basketball which leaves him severely battered and bruised. During the game, the arrogantly victorious Kenny Wangler (played by J.D. Williams) says, "Must be the shoes!"

That phrase was playing in my head during my 8 mile recovery run with Team to End AIDS this weekend. I say that because I just bought a new pair of running shoes at my local "A Runer's Circle" store on La Brea Avenue, a pair of red Brooks Transcend shoes to be exact, and they made all the difference on this run.

Coach JC assured us that there would be no hills for us to run up this time, and that included the one everyone now refers to as "cardiac hill" which, if you have ever run up it, is a perfectly appropriate name.

Going on this run made me fully realize what kept me from running all the way to the finish line last week on the 20 mile run. Because my most current pair of running shoes were in my car when I got carjacked on New Year's Day, I was forced to wear a pair of running shoes that have long since padded their prime. As a result, my knees came out of it feeling like they had taken more punishment than legally necessary.

But with this new pair of shoes, I found myself feeling a level of cushioning I haven't felt in quite some time. The person who sold them to me this past week told me that the moral of the story is not to wait a year to replace your shoes a year later. That's true, but to his credit he didn't know what I had been carjacked on New Year's Day.

I had felt some aches and pains in my knees, but these new shoes kept me from falling apart on this run as a result. Nothing stopped me from running out of fuel, and I kept up with my fellow pace group runners for a change which honestly meant so much to me as I usually find myself trailing behind everyone else to where I wonder what brought me back for another season.

Whereas I was usually one of the last T2EA runners to cross the finish line, this time I succeeded in keeping up with everybody all the way to the end. That made this run especially fulfilling as I've hit "the wall" more often than not this training season. But this time I didn't fall behind to where I was running by my lonesome. Some may say it's the result of keeping up with those maintenance runs, but I have to say it must be the shoes.

It's so easy to forget what a comfortable pair of shoes can feel like. I don't just mean running shoes; I mean any kind of shoes. As adults we get used to feeling uncomfortable about a lot of things to where we accept a level of discomfort as being part of life. Life is hard and life is pain, and many of us put up with those facts far more than we should. The pain some of us feel in our legs and feet force us to develop a tolerance which feels necessary but soon blinds us to the fact that we don't have to feel that uncomfortable on a regular basis.

I keep getting reminded of this whenever I get new shoes, and I keep telling myself that I won't quickly forget the importance of having a pair with a lot of cushioning. Perhaps writing about it will keep me more alert in the future.

So the next time you feel like you are experiencing more pain than usual, keep in mind that it must be the shoes.


FUNDRAISING UPDATE: Thanks to my great friend Ed Mahoney, we have reached the fundraising goal of $1,100 for AIDS Project Los Angeles. But even though we raised the necessary amount, it doesn't mean our work is over. You can still donate if you would like, and a mere $5 or $10 dollar donation can still go a long way.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Something Wickedly Long Comes This Way

This new year has not gotten off to the best start for me. To make a long story short, I arrived back in Los Angeles to find myself locked out of my apartment and later carjacked. Despite that, I did make it to Griffith Park for the annual Scott Boliver run where us Team to End AIDS runners honored our late marathon coach who left us way too soon. 

Having dealt with the worst New Year's Eve/Day ever, I came to that run winded as I had gone through a wealth of emotions a couple of days before, and an 8 mile run became a 4 and a half mile run a result. Coach Dene ended up driving me to the finish line as even she saw how exhausted I was. Still, I enjoyed a breakfast at Home Restaurant with my fellow marathon veterans even though I fell asleep a couple of times at the table.

However, I was in better shape for this week's 20 mile run, our longest yet in this training session. Granted, this past week had me doing only one maintenance run as one of my legs felt a little off, but I was not about to back off from it as a result.

Because of this run's length, we all met at Griffith Park at 6 AM instead of 7. The sun still had yet to rise in the sky so it was blacker than usual. It really helped to have a flashlight on your person as it was a little hard to make out faces right away.

Coach JC strongly reminded us to take it easy on this run, and that was advice I was eager to take heed of. When we started on this especially frigid January morning, I actually found myself not overdoing it and running slower than usual along with everyone else. We all knew this was not that run to burn out on earlier than later, and it felt good to keep up with my fellow pace group runners for a change. That is, for the majority of the run.

There was a point where I went to the bathroom as did others in my group, but they ended up not waiting for me which annoyed me to a certain extent. As a result, I spent the next few miles trying to catch up with everyone, and I eventually did at the stop where the Boliver family was on hand to give us all the peanut and pickle covered Ritz crackers we could ever hope to consume.

Throughout this training period we have done our best to outrun the heat, but this time we were trying to outrun the rain. El Nino has come down on California with a semi-vengeance and I say semi-vengeance because I'm convinced the weatherman will still say it's not enough. All the same, we did outrun the rain.

I was doing fine until I reached mile 17. That was the point where many of us hit "the wall." My will to run, even though I was only 3 miles from the finish line, was going south with the birds, and it was also being decreased by other runners who couldn't do more than walk at a lethargic pace (I couldn't blame them though).

But crossed the finish line I did with my fellow Team to End AIDS coaches JC, Kerry, Dene and Jennifer greeting me with high fives. To that, I could only reply, "Finally!" Even though I have done this marathon training several times before, running 20 miles still feels like quite the struggle.

A special thanks goes out to the Roadkill pace group for bringing us all the food and chocolate milk we could ever hope to find at the end of a run like this. I also have to thank them for not giving us actual roadkill to feast on, and that's even if it had more protein than what we ate.

Like I said, this 20 mile run was a struggle, and I guess I came into it thinking I would handle it better than others because I have been through this training before, but reality can work in truly mysterious ways.

While it would have been best for me to have an ice bath after conquering so many miles, I instead went to my apartment and collapsed on my bed where I slept for more hours than I usually do. Here's hoping I can fit even more cardio exercises into my schedule before Valentine's Day.

FUNDRAISING UPDATE: I have now raised over $848 towards AIDS Project Los Angeles which puts me at 77% towards my fundraising goal of $1,100. Seriously, even a $5 donation will go a long way in helping those afflicted by this unforgiving disease. Please message me to find out how you can help.